Caregiver's Kitchen: Taking Care To Take Care

It’s a new year, and it’s time to take care of the caregiver. You’ve been taking care of your loved one, perhaps by yourself or with very little help. You may have barely gotten through the holidays between exhaustion and depression and overwork. Your loved one may be cranky due to the cold weather and gray days with little sun, or fighting to stay healthy and make it through the winter. Your loved one is counting on you, and there never was a truer saying than “You can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first.” I know a woman who died from pneumonia because she was busy taking care of everyone else but herself. So give yourself permission to slow down and take it easy. That may seem impossible with what is expected of you, but you need to gain some much-needed perspective.

Perspective. It’s that stuff we’re supposed to have in order to see things objectively.

I’m going to give you a list of possible New Year’s resolutions. Try a couple out, or maybe it will inspire you to create your own.

1 Allow yourself one new hobby this year. For me as a caregiver, one year it was Sudoku. The puzzles helped sharpen my mind and became a daily treat.

2 Try growing something cheery – a plant, a garden, some herbs, even Bonsai. Something alive and green adds to the life around you. Paperwhites or other bulbs can be “forced” to bloom indoors with some pebbles in a glass, a little water, maybe some help from toothpicks, and a sunny window. There are shade-loving plants, too; and cactus is a good and affordable gift if you are forgetful with the watering can.

3 Make one new friend. Whether it’s through a club, a church, a shared interest or a volunteer organization, make it your goal to relate to more people than the cloistered life you may be living as a caregiver. Card parties, bingo, the library, needlework groups, the local animal shelter are all places where you can meet someone congenial who may enjoy phone conversations and maybe a cup of coffee when you need human contact outside of caregiving. Oprah’s off the air and The View only does so much to engage you. Get a real friend.

4 Take an afternoon off every week. Schedule respite care, no matter how much the other relatives complain they don’t have time or live too far away. Bring in a paid nurse aide and invoice them for the cost  – that’ll get their attention. You’re human; you need a day off, too.

5 Let your loved one know that these changes don’t mean you love him or her any less. You’ll be more well-balanced, in a better mood, and happier all the way around if you allow yourself time away and separate interests. Re-establishing your own autonomy will keep you from becoming enmeshed, a psychological condition which is unhealthy and is embarrassingly easy to do as a helping person. All who work in the helping professions, paid or unpaid, are extremely vulnerable to enmeshment precisely because they do care. From that point, it’s all too easy to care too much. So reassure the one you care for that you’re just tending to healthy boundaries for the benefit of both of you.

Now, to make the self-care complete, you must have something a little indulgent to eat. Just a small amount. Something that doesn’t take a lot of time to make. Something that’s not a lot of work and doesn’t dirty a lot of pans. For that, my friend, you need chocolate. And cheese. And fruit. And bread or crackers. Maybe even a favorite food that I didn’t mention. Here’s a luxurious but simple three-course meal.

Petite Wheel of Brie with Peach Glaze and Slivered Almonds

Sounds fancy, but it’s a cinch. Get a small wheel of Brie, a soft cheese with an edible white rind, about 5 inches  across, and spoon two tablespoons of peach jam or apricot preserves (or even orange marmalade) on top, then either warm in a 300 degree oven for 10 minutes or microwave for 2 or 3 minutes til brie is soft and warm and slightly runny when you cut into it. Sprinkle with slivered almonds and serve with crackers or good bread. Pears, either D’anjou or Bosc, go well with this, as do seedless grapes. Decadent and insanely easy.

Charcuterie

Slice up some kielbasa on the diagonal, or Italian sausage, or toss a pack of little smokies into a microwaveable dish and zap til they start to sizzle. Put some good old Cleveland Stadium mustard on the side (mix with honey or brown sugar if you like sweet & sour) and get serious.

Now for dessert:

Chocolate-Drizzled Popcorn

You can rationalize this as a vegetable. I know I do. It is corn, after all! Pop up some fresh popcorn, melt some semi-sweet, milk, or white chocolate morsels – or all three – in separate microwaveable cups on low or defrost, pausing every 30 seconds to stir (the chocolate hides the hot spots that will otherwise burn and ruin your dessert). When the chocolate is runny enough to drizzle with a fork, place an inch or so of popcorn in a nice clear glass bowl & drizzle with each chocolate to get a lacy effect. Add another inch of popcorn and repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat – you know the routine now. Keep doing until you’re all out of popcorn or room in the bowl. Enjoy.

Add your favorite beverage, whether white blush zinfandel or beer or a cuppa tea, like my littlest sister, fire up a favorite movie or some Mozart, relax and enjoy your little feast. You’ve earned it.

Happy New Year, Caregivers! Keep writing alzheimerannie@yahoo.com, I love hearing from you.